I've been playing with yoga for awhile. She's pretty cool. I've sorda always wanted to be like her but, she's thinner and hippy'er and eats better. For a long time I just wanted to copy her. She'd show a pose - I'd try the pose. Mine wasn't so graceful. I'd compare us. She'd whisper 'You're missing the point.'
I've been documenting my yoga practice since Summer 2014. I consider this the start of a more mindful practice. I purchased a membership to YogaGlo.com. (I can't say enough awesome things about YogaGlo - hundreds of practices, dozens of instructions, all types of yoga and meditation. Check it out - really.) I'd even say that this was the start of a 'serious' yoga practice but yoga doesn't really need to be taken seriously. In truth, I really just needed to lighten the f up and start letting go of the serious - but that sounds pretty judgy and yoga doesn't do 'judgy.'
So here's the deal. I turned forty a few weeks ago and 40 days ahead of my 40th birthday I promised my body that I'd give her yoga every day. And not the 'serious' yoga from before but a solid 30 minutes of whatever yoga routine sounded good in the moment. I'd light incense. I'd pull a tarot card to offer wisdom and focus to my practice. I'd do it at night as the kids were falling asleep. I'd do it in the middle of the day when the dishes were piled-up and crusty. I'd do it for 45-minutes or 60. I'd get on my mat angry. I'd cry on my mat. I'd let the kids do it with me, or lay under me, or balance on me. I didn't care. I just wanted yoga in my life. Everyday.
I missed two days out of forty. Two days. It was such a delicious way of celebrating my body. And in those 40 days I realized something huge - HUGE for me but perhaps not for all of you, especially any yogis. Here's the deal - the practice of yoga is a practice in letting go. Forget what your body did yesterday. Forget what you expect your body to do tomorrow. Forget what you think you're body will do today. When I hold my body to these expectations, I close myself off to my practice. Yoga is about letting go. Turning inward. Reconnected. It's not about getting yourself into a pose, but rather allowing the pose to come from within.
Today was a pretty exciting day. Ideas and emotions and excitement have had me wanting to cry, run, scream, sleep, and cheer. I needed to get on my mat today, and I did...at 9:30pm. During my 'serious' yoga phase this would have never worked. I would have massacred the energy in the house, pissed myself off and the self of others and made life miserable because I was too scared to miss a practice. Nowadays, I practice when the time comes to practice. And it always comes, as long as I'm willing to show up.
Tonight I practiced with Elena Brower. She is one of my most treasured yoga teachers on YogaGlo. Yoga with Elena is a spiritual experience for me. Her teachings bring me closer to my own grace and beauty. Tonight's practice was titled Cultivating Curiosity and Courage. What a beautiful ending to a roller coaster day.